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Reality
Versus
Phone
Sex
T immy
had a tiny little winky;
R eally
all the girls thought it was
stinky.
I t
was hard to get a date
C uz
his dick was second rate,
K illing
passion just as things got nice
and kinky!
O n
the other hand,
R eality
can be
better
with phone sex:
T immy
was a stud beyond compare;
R eally
he was thought quite debonair.
E very
inch of his huge cock
A lways
got hard as a rock,
Treating
lucky girls to sex with
savoir-faire!
The Count
auditions for a Halloween Phone Sex
commercial!
Click here to
watch it on YouTube!
(be sure to turn up the volume on
your speakers!)
IS IT A TREAT (OR A TRICK)?
It's a treat if...she opens her
throat and takes it all in;
It's a trick if...she bites.
It's a treat if...she bends over
so you can nail her from behind;
It's a trick if...she bends over and
farts.
It's a treat if...she starts with
a strip tease;
It's a trick if...she turns out to
be a cock tease.
It's a treat if...she likes it
doggy style;
It's a trick if...she likes to do
doggies.
It's a treat if..she wants to be
titty fucked;
It's a trick if...her titties are
smaller than yours.
It's a treat if...she shaves her
pussy;
It's a trick if...she doesn't shave
her legs.
It's a treat if...she's into
sixty-nine;
It's a trick if...she IS sixty-nine.
It's a treat if...she screams
when she cums;
It's a trick if...she screams
because her husband cums home.
It's a treat if...she likes
golden showers;
It's a trick if...she makes you take
a cold shower.
It's a treat if...she makes all
your wildest wet phone
fantasies come true...
The OLCI phone girls sincerely hope
you get only treats for Halloween
- OLCI Phone girls can
be found at www.GirlsPhoneNumbers.com -
OLCI Girls Halloween Poem
Halloween's a goblins
favorite day.
But also on this holiday,
The OLCI phone girls come out to play.
You might get great goodies to eat,
But for a truly magic feat,
You need to experience a 'phone trick or
treat'.
You might sample chocolates and gum,
But its your juicy, thick, hot cum,
That makes our naughty phonegirls go "yum"!
Check out the girls at www.FindPhonesex.com
for all the naughty tricks and all the tasty
treats!
H alloween
Definitions, Phone Sex Style
Pumpkin:
What any good client calls his phone sex sweetie.
Costume:
Most people only get to dress up once a
year; phone sex cuties do it every day!
Ghoul:
Those who try to get free phone calls in
various ways...
Ghost:
You never actually see them, but you know
they're there..just like your favorite phone
babe.
Witch:
Just what you want any good Dom to be.
Bat:
If you're really good, you just might score
a home run!
Elvira:
Mistress of the night, for those who like
variety.
Frightened:
First time caller (but it gets less scary
and more fun with every call!)
Trick:
If you want a really good one of these...
Treat:
You want to give your phone hottie one of
these!!!
Have a safe and happy Halloween!!!
Sex on Halloween
Sex on Halloween is not a concept
that I made up. Although you don't realize this, Halloween has always
been filled with sex. Just think of all the phrases you hear
during the evening, and tell me it is not all sex related...
13. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth
12. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
11. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack please.
8. Let me see your bag.... OH!-You're having a great night!
7. Isn't that sweet, he is wearing a pony costume and mask.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. Well look at that, he's dressed up just like Clinton.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Don't make me beg for it!
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Q: Why don't
witches wear under panties????
A: Better grip on the broom.
Halloween Costume #1
The guy had invited his girl to attend a Halloween party
with him, and showed up at her door wearing only a pair
of roller blades.
"Uh, and just what on earth are you supposed to be?" she
asked.
"What else?" he replied smiling. "I'm a pull toy!"
Halloween Costume #2
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to
wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a
bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy
standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in
my pants!"
Halloween Costume #3
A couple is getting ready to go to a costume party.
The woman goes into the bedroom and emerges completely
naked, except for a lemon hanging on a string from her
vagina.
Her partner is shocked and amazed, and questions her
about it. She answers that this is her costume, and this
is the way she's going to the party.
So the guy goes into the bedroom and emerges a few
minutes later also completely naked, but with a potato
hanging on a string from his penis.
He looks at her and replies, "if you can go as a
sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tater".
Q: What kind of dog
does Dracula have?
A: A Bloodhound!
Q: Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?
A: In a red blood cell!
Q: What is Dracula's favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving!
Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops!
Q: Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
A: They would only let him be BAT boy!
Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: So that they can get a good grip on the broom...
Q: Why do ghosts write in Latin?
A: It's a dead language.
Q: How can you tell if a witch is horny?
A: Check which end of the broomstick she's riding.
Cinderella and the Pumpkin...
We all know how Cinderella
wanted to go to the ball but her wicked
stepmother wouldn't let her and then the fairy
godmother pops up and gives Cinderella some good
news: The fairy godmother tells Cinderella that
she will provide for her everything she needs to
go to the ball, but only on 2 conditions.
Cinderella asks what she needs to do and the
fairy godmother replies, "First, you must wear a
diaphragm." Cinderella's mouth drops open and
says, "You must be crazy! I'm on the pill, and I
don't need to wear a diaphragm." The fairy
godmother reminds Cinderella about all the
handsome princes that will be attending the ball
that night, and Cinderella agrees to wear a
diaphragm. "Well, what's the second condition?"
Cinderella asked. The fairy godmother replies,
"You must be back home by 2:00 AM. Well,
Cinderella explains that if she's gonna go party
with the princes, she wants to be out all night
long. The fairy godmother tells Cinderella that
if she's not home by 2AM, then her diaphragm
will turn into a pumpkin and reminds her that at
least she'll be with the princes most of the
evening, so Cinderella agrees to be home at
2AM...
At 2AM, Cinderella doesn't show
up...3AM, no Cinderella...4AM, no Cinderella...finally, at 5AM,
Cinderella shows up at the door with a huge grin on her face.
The fairy godmother stands up and looks
at Cinderella and says, "Where the hell have you been? Your diaphragm
was supposed to turn into a pumpkin 3 hours ago!!!" Cinderella tells the
fairy godmother that she met a prince and he took care of it for her.
The fairy godmother wonders about a prince with this type of power and
asks Cinderella his name to which she replies, "I can't remember, but it
was Peter Peter something or other...."
Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked
Halloween party. She got a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He, being a devoted husband,
protested, but she argued and said she was going
to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there
was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away
he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one
hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how
he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her
husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick
he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His
wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left
his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just
arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished;
naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little
proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped
away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what
kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in
and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old
thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never
even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown
and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good
time!"
Costume Party
A man was sitting at the bar during a costume party when
someone went up to him and said, "Hey, I thought you
were supposed to dress up in something that symbolized
your love life?"
The man said, "I am."
The other guy said, "You look like Abe Lincoln."
The man said, "That's right. My last 4 scores were 7
years ago."
Three vampires went
into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take
their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like
tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The
second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The
third vampire shook his head at his companions and said,
"I'll have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and
called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light".
The NUN
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and
notices that the
VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend
you"
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you
could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be sing le and
#2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single
and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." !
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make
a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are! you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and
I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going
to a Halloween
party."
TRICK OR TREAT!!!!!!
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